Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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