I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
