I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
