when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
