The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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