Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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