Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
its not stalking. its research.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
