My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
