dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
