Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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