So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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