I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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