don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
They have beer where we have blood.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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