you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
