You made me cry and you don't even care
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
