There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
