Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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