I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
