dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
