I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
