Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
