If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The struggles of a small town man whore
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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