i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize