i think i have herpe
just one?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
