I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
