oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
