You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
