we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
