so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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