It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
