party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
