my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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