Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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