Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
