yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
