I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
