I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
