so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
