Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
