if you like me you must not know who I am
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
