Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I believe in your delicious
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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