Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
