On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we're making bets on your personal life
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
