ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
