Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
vagina is talking i cant
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
