God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
