Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
