I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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