Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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