bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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